Aesthetic value and wondering and home

I have been wondering, again, why my environment, the aesthetic, and my ownership of 'my' space remains so intrinsic to my sense of ok-ness or well being in the world. It always has been. I felt this earnestly as a child. I felt almost as if I had no valid sense of self, without a reflection back at me, from my own space, something which spoke of me.  I always desired more control and autonomy over this space.

When I look back through my life, it strkes me, that so many decisions I made revolved around, or were strongly influenced by how these choices would impact 'my space' for the better or not. Sacrifice and risk have always, to some extent, been weighed up against this.

It seems to bring up so many questions for me, around materialism, relationship, security/insecurity, fear, introversion, being an HSP, or simply the fact that I am primarily visual, with kinisthetic a close second,  making me very sensitive to my environment and the felt experience of it.
Perhaps that is my answer right there, and yet, it doesn't address the associated feelings of shame / appology I often hold because of this. I question how I can put so much importance by this.

And so, I remain curious, with a little ever present set of binoculars, looking for information to appease this tension.

Recently I heard someone say [or I read, I dont remember] that a core value they hold is the 'value of beauty'. This interested me greatly. He/She did not speak of the stereo typed, comodity of beauty that one would associate with a beauty pagent or expensive labels on clothes and objects, but the experience of beauty as something rich and meaningful. The process of receiving beauty, in it's myriad of forms.

I thought about this, in the context of a 'value'. If I think of the values of fairness, or justice, or honesty, it seems possible to define these values, and to put boundaries around them, which are often fairly universal. But when it comes to beauty it seems, yet again, frought with complexity. What is beautiful to one person is entirely subjective. We could, for example say that Goya's 'Saturn devouring his son' or Picasso's 'The Guernica' are beautiful in their horror.

And so I started searching this concept of beauty as a value, and came across an entire philosophical field which looks at 'The Aesthetic Experience' and 'The Components of the Aesthetic Experience'
It delves into the aesthetic experience at both the perceptual and the narrative level, and then the appraisal OF the narrative etc.
For now, I will just anchor these ideas and threads with these diagrams of the process of the aesthetic experience,  which are pretty fascinating:

[these images are both from here]

And finally, recently, i found myself hand stitching sort of prayer flags and tree decorations for outside Maurizio's house in the countryside. My idea was to make walking through the garden an experience that reflected a little of myself, back at me.  I guess perhaps it was a combination of making my mark, finally, somewhere here, but also just the pleaasure of experimenting and applying this concept of the value of beauty to somewhere outside in nature, with very different boundaries to an indoor space. And also, to a space that is not my own.
Let us see what happens!!

I have more to say about 'home'. I always do. Next time I will. and also about hand made fiber books.

Serendipity, lockdown, the fertile void... and Remember Michel Nedjar!

It's been a while... I'd like to say I've been bouncing helter skelter around the fertile void all this time, gathering ingredients for spells,  climbing trees and colouring ONLY . But as life goes, a bit of that, yes, and a bit of this , some dark and  and light, and as usual, in retrospect the ups and downs make a little more sense. I find myself returning to this:

which reminds me of this

So what has happened since 2018 [not in order, of time or weight]... Boris Johnson has become the buffoon comic right wing leader of the UK, Covid has hit us and schools here in Italy have been closed since March this year, [enforced hibernation - side effect: wonderful for introverts!] , we've been to Buddhafields twice!, I found the book  Threads of Life, by Clare Hunter   and we moved to a village not to far from Palermo. We are creating a home and trying to imbue it with creativity, colour, nurture, peace, and sanctity. In fact, we've been here a bit over a year already! [more to follow on this little topic of home] 
lso some recent very excitng workshop stuff, where some of all of the above was used.      [for another post]

 Firstly, the mystery of the creative spirits.. I started making this [below] just prior to Covid and the lockdown, which I find oddly magical, in the creative spirits of the universe, kind of  way. It is a start of what seems to be fabric or fiber books, pages, I'm not quite sure.
There is a process in looking at this. First see the little red flaps or pages, open them and read each page, look at the page they rest on.
This is also part of a bigger patchworky fiber piece, There are many more pages and words and messages.  I like this, so far. Even if its as meandering as a stream running down a mountain in the rains.
The timing of the lockdown has been idealic for me, being at home, journying with my hands and making and being .. with Gabriel and 3 months of homeschooling! [of course I am not mentioning t the massive damage of the virus on so many levels, that is not ignored, but just not for this topic]


So I made this, lift up the pages one by one.

Trust, Be still, Be curious, Intuit, Creat, Be powerful

Quite often I need to hibernate

 

and here are some more bits of collected stitching and made things,  and thoughts and whispers to put together.. following the breadcrumbs.. journeying

This, I think, is a page, from a book, to go somewhere, its also very linked to my study on 'home'

A few more:  [work in progress..]

This one... I still have it, unfinished! view 2018!! the one about making my heart.

I guess it takes a long time to make one's heart!

and all of these will be part of a bigger kind of montage of fibre, words, hand stitching, texture, colour, recycle and found things and we'll see! At the moment I am thinking it will hang on the wall, but we shall see.. free standing ? Let's see..  [but I am thinking i want it to be interactive, i want to invite the viewer to peer inside, turn pages, read, touch and be close. I want to create a kind of intimacy that is like the experience of slow stitching where you sit with the cloth and the thread and you need your glasses and a cup of tea and a comfy chair,

So anywayz, my intention, in getting back to blogging, finally, I hope, is to do 'managed' posts, with each post [for the time being, given how long I have been away] being a retrospective block of lego, or stitched bit of the webby meandering tapestry of the last 2 years. So I will try to let each bit be imperfectly finished, even if I am tempted to not want to leave.

Another cool toy I got just before Lockdown, again, the serendipity of it all..!  I had this challenge, where I can't leave my little guy alone at home while I go running, so I decided to solve this problem with this!:

Lastly, I was reminded, by a certain creative empathic spirit, of an artist I found quite soon after I started making spirit dolls, and I remember now, with joy, how his work gave me the idea and permission and freedom to stitch in the way I paint and now that I see it again, I am reminded to keep going and be as liberated as I wish in stitching and not worry about any kind of learned or 'correct' way of stitching. I love his paintings too!
MICHEL NEDJAR!

Until next time! good to be back!