A Letter to Gabriel on his very First Birthday!

Friday 20 June

To our dear little boy, Gabriel,(aka Babacino Crispi! ) Written by your Mummy

Today, a year ago, it was exactly ONE week  until you were born. 

 It was the end of the week, and I was just finishing work,  that made you 39 weeks ‘almost’ old! You were born the following Friday at exactly 9.27 at night, after precisely 40 weeks worth of wriggly somersaulting and trying to explore my rib cage  every morning before work (which in hind-site,  I can only presume you were doing - based on your current devotion to exploring every possible nook and cranny you can find, the more hidden the better!) , and then us getting to know each other in a kind of unexplainable way. Perhaps only pictures, or dancing, or music  could get  even close to describing that most amazing journey, that I feel so privileged to have gone on. You and me totally together for 9 months solid, exactly! (as it turns out) . I used to sometimes wish your Papino could have a go to see what it was like! but he was with you too, 100%!

I loved every single day of our time together. Your Papino used to always ask me, from Italy, what is the Beetle doing now? And I would tell him how much you were eating, how much you were wriggling, when I thought you might be sleeping, and I’d play the ’ Il Piccolo Principe’ CD, from your Papino  to you (well to us! ) every morning before work.

Almost straight away, I decided that you were my very own little surprise ‘Beetle’ (sort of like a scarab beetle) in my tummy, and Papino’s too, of course, just not in his tummy!  And you were known to the world as  Beetle.

The day you were born, after not not such a long time of that funny word  ‘labour’ ,  perhaps a few hours, you finally arrived, and jumped right into your Papino’s arms. (I wrote about all that stuff here> The start of the Birth Story of Gabriel, you can read it if you like, its not all yuk, I promise!). Anyway, as I was saying,  I could see you peeking out with your little glowing brown eyes that everyone has come to love,  and a shock of dark hair, already wriggling and being a Munka Punka! Your Papino was with us all the time, in the hours before you arrived, as steadfast as a big big baobab tree.  And, your granny from SA was there too. Your Granny is one of your biggest fans in the world!

As soon as you arrived, I knew  that you were Gabriel , it felt  perfect. You were one  resolute little fighter, but also a tiny soft beautiful little soul who’d already made his mark  in the world and in our lives in countless ways, and THAT in itself is an important wonderful story for another time!.. As it happens, while you were still our Beetle, me and your Papino had each thought of an idea for a name to give to you, for when you arrived, because of course we couldn’t always call you Beetle!  Your Papino thinking away while in Italy, and me ‘lo steso’ while in London.  We had no idea that we were in fact , at the same time,  thinking of the very same name - Gabriel!!  Although, for me, it had always been a name I loved and something I saved in my heart, for – just in case -  one day! And that ‘One Day’ arrived on Friday the 28^th of June 2013, and brought us Gabriel Babacino Crispi!!

I still often wake up, with you right next to me in your little cot, and your Papino on the other side and it feels like a dream. Then I hear your little voice and I’m filled with joy and delight and it feels grounded and peaceful and wonderful to wake up so happy, knowing  that you and your Papino are there, again, just like yesterday and just like the day before.

Nowadays, most days, when I wake up, what I see exactly, is a  little scritcholo, (thats you!) standing up all by himself, in his little sleeping gro-bag (or not, with the weather so warm at your birthday time of year)  holding onto the rail peeking out over the top with the biggest cheekiest grin ever. And you do look the picture of cuteness especially with your golden wispy sticky-uppy-hair.  As soon as we look at each other, your little smile lights up your whole face, and you immediately fall down and I say “Oh dear, Boommm!” and we both laugh. And Then you clap your hands with glee, and we say Bati La Mani Bati La Mani, bravo bravo Babacino Bravo! And then if I haven’t remembered to move your cot far enough away from the shelf, your little hands reach out trying to open all the draws and grab any objects, books especially, that you can lay your hands on. And we have a little game about cheekiness!!

And then, it’s time for ‘a nice new nappy’ and ‘our day clothes’! This definitely involves a LOT of cheekiness. As soon as you’re” tutto nudo!” you race up to the top of the bed laughing your little head off, and I have to go and chase you and pull you back by your feet and make sure you don’t jump onto the floor! Then, you are “Monello Monello  Cheeky Monkey” and sometimes “Macaroniedo!” , and I think you feel most proud of your cleverness at this time! 

 Eventually we get you into your day clothes followed by lots more hugs and kisses and your chatter box mummy talking probably the biggest lot of nonsense on earth, with Babacino following closely with increasing chattering by the day, if I may say so myself!  Your favourite sound at the moment Is daidaiii daidaiiii, and you wave your little hands in the air, doing some kind of finger acrobatics, often followed by more clapping. Perhaps one day, you will become a music conductor or a mime artist, or a wave the aeroplanes into the runway with the big coloured paddles.

By that time, when you’re all dressed and ready for your day with your Papino,  your Papino has actually been awake for a few hours already, squirrelling away in his den, writing stories, collecting delicious morsels of information or reading his myriad of books positioned around the flat, on a great variety surfaces. “Happy Banana!” we say, “Happy banana, happy banana” (and that is another story all together, for another another time, how “happy banana” came about! Although, I think maybe your Papi has written the Happy Banana story already, we shall have to look at his internet story book and see!) .. followed by family hugs and cups of tea for the Mummy and the Papi.

If it’s a work day, which most days are, and it’s still early enough, which usually it is,  then we have some time to play before the Mummy has to go to work. This often involves you turning into a real live cheeky little monkey, again,  crawling as fast as you can into whatever space you can find, that is not in the middle of the room. Your preference in these matters is to go under chairs under tables, through the easel and your favourite, onto the little balcony to  stare at the world, including through the wooden floor boards to the balconies below. Naturally, like any little cheeky monkey you are also on the lookout at all times for things to put in your mouth and that is a full time occupation and mystery in itself!

Because we’re talking about the morning, I’ll explain a little bit about you and your Papino.  Your Papino has the very important and best job in the world, he looks after you all day, while I go to work.  In the morning, maybe because I look after you in the night time, the minute you see your Papino, when we do the Happy Banana Happy Banana bit, your face is filled with anticipation, and your little legs start wriggling and squirming and your little arms shoot out  and grab onto him, like a little koala bear. Sometimes he hides  away and you can hear him but not see him, you peer into  his ‘office’   ( the far side of the dining room table ) looking for him. “Dove Papino? Dove?” and you look even harder. No matter what time of day, or how many times you see your Papino, you always react in the same way, so thrilled and delighted to see him. I think you absolutely adore your Papino. I feel such pride to see such a natural wonderful bond between you two. I try to wish and believe the memory into your bones and your heart (and mine too!). Though, I am sure, it is happening very well all by itself.

I am writing this, because I wanted to write you a little letter , (which is turning out to be not so little)  before you turn one, and while I remember the details and little things of how you were when you were nearly  one. And then one day, if you ask me ‘what was I like when I was a baby?”, I’ll look into my heart and tell you all the feelings I remember and all the little things I can recall about you, and I’ll have a little box of saved up things to show you, and for you to keep. But, I wanted to write it down too, so that I don’t miss things and so that you can read it and hopefully you’ll know,  how much you were and are cherished and how every single moment with you, even when you are sleeping  is a privilege and a joy.

So, what are you like?  Well, you have quite a dark skin, it  is very Mediterranean I think.  A lot of people say you look like your Papino because of your dark skin and your deep brown eyes. I like that, that you look like your Papino. I think its ok that you don’t really look like me, because I think we share some kinds of feelings, and responses to the world. We take our time to get to know people, we don’t like big loud noises, we wake up easily from sounds, we both love hugs and kisses and affection, and we love to be bare foot with sunshine on our skin. We love to watch hanging mobiles and light falling on different things , AND we both love bananas and yoghurt and anything sweet!! And most of all we both love your Papino and my Mauri to pieces! That’s a good start, don’t you think?  
But also, you are different, and your own little person. Every day with you is a surprise. You’ve just started giving  your toys to your Papino. I think it shows how much you love him. I think you are learning how to be, from your Papino!

You love things that roll or turn, and balls  especially soccer balls. You can spot a game of football, from a mile off. Your little legs go crazy and you start squealing. We’ll have to try you out at ‘Little Kickers’ as soon as you can run! You love dogs too, any kind of dog, even big giant sheep dogs. You can see them or spot them in the biggest crowd, and you crane your little neck as far as it can go to keep watching the dog. I think you are wishing it to come and say hello to you! And that reminds me, you're also really affectionate, which I am so happy about and love about you. I hope you stay that way! I don’t know yet if that is your personality, or if its because we've always made a point of carrying you close to us in a sling, when you were tiny, and having lots and lots of family hugs and kisses, which a kid, or a grown-up for that matter, can NEVER have too many of! I hope that you can be comfortable being you, being Babacino, and that starts with the basics, authentic human contact, and that’s what affection is all about! I shall have to write about that some more.. its a great topic Babacino, and of course it is very Italian, so tutto posto!!

In Palermo, a few weeks ago when we went to visit, we think, that you had learned your first word, which was “da” which we kind of figured might  be short for Frida (Frida is your Papino’s dog in Palermo. She is quite old now, she knew Franci when he was little too!) . Even now, when we say “Frida” you look around for her, and when you cant see her, your little face looks a bit forlorn. Somewhere or somehow you remember something to do with Frida. I think you are already making attachments and connections

You’ll quite happily crawl at the speed of sound right across Tata’s house back and forth chasing Frida just for the possibility of  being able to touch her fur. When you do manage to get near to her, like in Tatas car, we have to say “piano piano, careful careful” and show you how to stroke Frida without wanting to pull half her hair out in excitement and affection.

And now it’s Sunday the 29th of June, the day after your birthday, you’re fast asleep in your little rocking chair next to your Papino who is fast asleep with his book on his head! We've been out for a nice long walk with Tata, looking at boats, stopping to play on the swings and the see-saw and the slides, stopping for coffee and we even stopped on a little beach on the side of the Thames, and your Papino made a video!

video of the visit to the (Thames) beach

Already when I read back on what I wrote a week ago, you’ve changed. Now you reach up and practice your standing all over the house, you’re getting excellent at standing and your Papino tells me you even walked from one side of the table to the other all by yourself when I was at work! 

Yesterday we had a party for you, with balloons and everything. I think you loved the balloons the most, AND of course some sneaky tastes of ice-cream. I think you were quite fascinated by all these mad grown-ups singing a funny song and all staring at you, and then your Papino blew out the candles of your cake. Gabriel Babacino , I must confess, I did really try to make you a cake for your birthday, I wanted to make you something with my hands. But I never quite managed, I tried 3 times!  Next year will be better! I have a whole year to practice. I always want there to be something made with our hands when we have family celebrations, and even just any time, its important, its about care, and creativity and connection and giving and its about communication and stories and making beautiful memories out of every day life.  (End of Lecture!)

Zio Tata came all the way from Italy to your party!! It was such fun!! And Kaelin and Kyle had icecream in South Africa for you, and Dindsy sent us the pictures, one day we’ll have to invite them, with your granny to your party!

What else can I tell you Babacino? Well since I started writing this little letter to you, I have realised that if I were to write down all the things about you on that month or that week or even that day, you change and develop so fast, and you are so full of surprises all the time, that I would never finish writing it down, or wanting to tell you everything! So maybe I’ll just write you more letters over time, and tell you little things as we go. I suppose what I can say, which doesn’t change, is that without a doubt, me and your Papino love you soooooooo much, and every day we love you even more, and every day I realise that it IS possible to love what you think you love the most, even more!   I hope that is how our family will stay, for ever!

Oh, I forgot, I have to mention dancing! You love to bop around to music, I think its partly a baby thing, but for me, its definitely a Gabriel thing too. When you hear music, you start bouncing and bopping your head, your whole little body reacts to music. There are certain CDs you like the most at the moment, like ‘Sette veli intorno al re’. The first song has children singing, and you love it and bounce around an extra amount! And the other one you love is “The Original Motion Picture Soundtrack to Mandela Long Walk to Freedom’ That you love!! One from your mummys country and one from your Papino’s country I’ll keep them for you!!

Lots of love and Happy Banana Happy Banana Buon Compliano Babacino! We Love you Gabriel, from Mummy and Papino xx

And here are some pictures, well a LOT of pictures, I can never choose just a few, its impossible!! They are from just before your birthday, your first birthday! and just after.  They’re in a bit of a funny order too... but I hope you like them Babacino!! They are all about you and our family!!   (Except that we would have loved Kaelin and Kyle and Dindsy to be here, but they are far far away in Africa, but we'll visit them again one day or they can visit us!! but there are pictures here of them eating ice-cream for you, in the middle of winter in SA, they’re the pictures right at the end)

So, I'm going to end this now, its already way past your birthday time! I better start collecting again for my next letter! Watch this space, oh Babacino followers!! xxx lots of love Babacino's Mummy!